After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama made his way to the pearly gates.
There, he was greeted by George Washington.
“How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” yelled Washington, slapping Osama in the face.
Patrick Henry came up from behind. “You wanted to end America’s liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punched Osama in the nose.
James Madison came next, and said, “This is why I allowed the government provide for the common defense!” He took a sledge hammer and whacked Osama’s knees.
Osama was subjected to similar beatings from John Randolph, James Monroe, and 65 other people who had the same love for liberty and America. As he writhed on the ground, Thomas Jefferson hurled him back toward the gate where he was to be judged.
As Osama awaited his journey to his final very hot destination, he screamed, “This is not what I was promised!”
An angel replied, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?”
You know you’re a redneck when…
you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend and only come back with one gift.
10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full “Kiss” makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, “Thou sucketh!”
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by “Jeb Daddy.”
5. Defiantly says, “If I had a radio, I’d listen to disco!.”
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: “Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain’t listening.”
2. Was recently pulled over for “driving under the influence of cottage cheese.”
1. He’s wearing his big black hat backwards.
An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, “I will give you three wishes.”
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, “I want a beer that never is empty.”
With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.
The man says, “I want two more of these.”