Ugly Kid
What sexual position should a woman use to make an ugly kid?
Ask your mom.
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What sexual position should a woman use to make an ugly kid?
Ask your mom.
George W. Bush is so stupid, he dyed his hair blonde to become smarter.
What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Snowballs!
Superman once wrote on the wall: “Batman is a wimp.”
The next day Batman wrote: “Superman is Clark Kent.”
A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly underneath him.
He cries out for help, and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen, who informs him that he is going to be served as dinner to the leader of the tribe.
“But you don”t understand!” he cries, “You can”t do this to me! I”m an editor for the New Yorker magazine!”
“Ah,” replies the tribesman, “Well look on the bright side. Soon you will be editor-in-chief!”
Yo mama is so fat, when she went to the doctor’s office, they weighed her on the Richter scale!
A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
On the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled.
The guy limps up to the stoner and says “Call me an ambulance!”
The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, “You’re an ambulance!”
A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!”
“What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. ‘”We weren’t making love.”
“Sorry,” said the sailor, “From up there it looked like you were.”
Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.
The husband says to himself, “By golly he’s right! It DOES look like they’re making love down there!”
An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The evangelist is getting really worked up, and it’s soon time for the healing portion of the show.
“If you believe in the healing power of the Lord, place on hand on the television, and one hand on the part of your body that ails you!” The old man places one hand on the television and one hand on his groin.
“Oh, don’t be stupid!” says the old woman. “He said heal, not raise the dead!”
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.